Dear Joely: Two Women Turn Every Friday Lunch into an Accounting Tribunal
The meal is pleasant. The company is good. Then the bill arrives and eight grown women begin reconstructing lunch from witness statements.
Dear Joely,
I’m sure this is a problem as old as time, but I am living it and it sh*%s me every time it happens. Perhaps you can help.
A group of six to eight women from my office goes out to a fairly basic restaurant for lunch on Fridays. It’s a good way for us to catch up without the interruptions of work. The boss knows and allows us a little more than the allocated hour, which is nice.
At the end, we get the bill. Most of us are perfectly happy to split it, except for two members of the group who insist on paying separately.
It always turns into a palaver while all the adding and subtracting goes on. Then, without fail, there is another mini-deliberation about the tip.
Usually, I’ve had a nice meal and enjoyed the conversation, but when this happens I can’t help throwing the stink-eye at the culprits. Last time, I think I even sighed out loud.
I should add that none of us drinks alcohol at these lunches, so it’s not as though these two Karens are being asked to subsidise somebody else’s bottle of wine.
Am I being unreasonable, or are they?
Yours billigerently,
Cathy
Dear Billigerent Cathy,
The problem is not that two women want to pay only for what they ordered. That is perfectly reasonable.
The problem is that eight hungry adults are attempting to perform forensic accounting beside a cooling plate of chips.
Splitting the bill works beautifully when everyone has spent roughly the same amount and nobody minds subsidising somebody else’s extra side of halloumi. Paying separately also works beautifully when the restaurant is told at the beginning, rather than when the bill arrives and Sandra suddenly begins reconstructing lunch from witness statements.
So next Friday, say this before anybody orders:
“Can we decide now whether we’re splitting the bill or paying individually? If anyone wants to pay separately, perhaps we can let the waiter know before we start.”
That is not rude. It is administration, and administration is best conducted before dessert.
As for the tip, agree on a percentage and divide it in the same manner as the meal. There should be no second summit meeting unless the waiter has performed CPR.
And retire the word “Karens”. They may be parsimonious, exacting or simply watching their money. You are allowed to dislike the palaver without turning two colleagues into a meme.
The stink-eye may remain, but deploy it sparingly. Like truffle oil, too much ruins lunch.
Yours, with the calculator already open,
Joely