Browse Dear Joely by Topic

Looking for a particular kind of human mess? Start here.
From workplace nonsense to romantic disasters, friendship politics, family friction, questionable manners and people who absolutely should know better, the Dear Joely archive is slowly becoming its own little cabinet of social curiosities.

Search the archive, or browse by topic below. Joely has organised the chaos for your convenience.

Search the archive:

Pull up a chair. Someone has behaved badly.

Joely has sorted the letters into shelves below, largely for your convenience and partly because chaos looks better when alphabetised.

Workplace Nonsense

Office cake, suspicious colleagues, reply-all crimes, workplace flirting, and the small daily horrors of earning a living near other people.

Dear Joely Letters
Dear Joely: Should I Tell His Wife?

A sleep-deprived office worker spots what looks like a workplace affair during a soul-destroying birthday cake ritual. She knows the wife from yoga, dislikes both culprits, and wants to know: is this her business, or should she namast-stay out of it?

Love & Lust

Latest Letters

Romantic disasters, sexual politics, jealousy, longing, bad boyfriends, questionable chemistry and the eternal problem of wanting what may not be good for you.

Dear Joely Letters
Dear Joely: My Boyfriend Won’t Take Me To Barbados

A reader longs to visit Barbados, but her boyfriend refuses for reasons involving jealousy, insecurity, and a deeply unattractive racial stereotype. Joely unpacks the difference between vulnerability and control — and whether some holidays are worth taking alone.

Dear Joely: The Bedroom Goes Quiet

A husband wonders whether a newly quiet bedroom is a passing phase, a private struggle, or a sign there may be someone else. Joely answers on silence, suspicion, and the limits of flowers as strategy.

Dear Joely: An Inconvenient Crush

A reader in her late fifties finds herself blindsided by an all-too-lively crush and wonders whether desire has a dignified place later in life. Joely answers on longing, age, and not making a cathedral out of crumbs.

Dear Joely: Mixed Signals

He says he cares, but his disappearing act is beginning to say rather more. Joely weighs mixed signals, half-presence, and the cost of waiting too long for clarity.

Friends, Family & Frenemies

Best friends, difficult relatives, social obligations, group-chat exits, betrayals, awkward loyalties and the people who make you wonder whether solitude is underrated.

Dear Joely Letters
Dear Joely: I Kissed My Best Friend’s Boyfriend. What Now?

She kissed her best friend’s boyfriend at an eighteenth birthday party. Now she’s ashamed, confused, and desperate to repair the friendship. Joely gives her the honest answer.

Dear Joely: Exit Group?

A reader finds herself trapped in a school WhatsApp group full of chatter, politics, and “helpful” women with too much data and too little restraint. Joely answers on digital overexposure, low-grade social captivity, and the beauty of mute.

Joely is listening. Proceed wisely.

Manners, Morals & Mildly Bad Behaviour

Social crimes, neighbourly weirdness, etiquette dilemmas, petty temptations, moral messes and the strange little moments where nobody is quite innocent.

Dear Joely Letters
Dear Joely: I Said the Cruel Thing Out Loud at Dinner

A reader wakes at 4:17am after telling a heartbroken friend what she really thinks. Joely weighs in on drunken honesty, clean apologies and the limits of loyalty.

Dear Joely: The Vixen Across The Road

A married woman is rattled when the glamorous neighbour across the road invites her husband to a very particular kind of gathering. Joely advises on evasive husbands, honesty, and why the real problem may not be the woman with the auburn hair.

Dear Joely: Too Loud, Too Late, Too Attractive

He’s loud, inconsiderate, musically committed, and unfortunately very attractive. When a sleepless Melbourne woman finds herself annoyed and intrigued in equal measure, Joely offers advice on noisy neighbours, common sense, and resisting the romance of bad behaviour.

Self, Shame & Getting a Grip

Private spirals, guilty thoughts, emotional overreactions, self-sabotage, shame hangovers and the difficult art of behaving like the adult in the room.

Dear Joely Letters
Dear Joely: Why Do I Keep Going Back to Men Who Hurt Me?

A reader raised in an abusive household keeps finding herself drawn into painful relationships with older men. Joely offers a compassionate response about trauma, familiarity, safety, and why returning to harm is not the same as love.

Dear Joely: I’m Not a Drunk, But

A sceptical man writes to Joely wondering whether his drinking is becoming a problem, while doing his best not to sound like the sort of man who writes to advice columns. Joely is not fooled.

Circular portrait illustration of Joely, the Dear Joely advice columnist