Decisions: The Heat Behind the Yes
Because hesitation never leaves a mark…
28 September 2025
• 901 words • 5 min read
Living With the Clarity of Yes
I don’t stumble into decisions. I walk toward them with my eyes open.
When I say yes — to a person, or a drink, or a mouth — I know exactly what that yes means. I don’t call it destiny just to make it easier. The harder thing isn’t making the decision. It’s living with the clarity afterwards.
So yes, my decisions are usually simple. Do I want this? Yes. Can I live with the consequences? Also yes. That’s it. I don’t need to pretend I was confused or drunk or led astray. That’s not how I move through the world, and it’s not how I love.
Decisions: Control vs. Surrender
There are decisions that feel like control, and decisions that feel like surrender. I’ve made both.
The first kind keeps everything tidy and respectable. The second kind strips everything back to instinct — and demands that you stand inside it without flinching.
That second kind of decision stays in the body long after the moment has passed. It’s not nostalgia. It’s heat.
I can still feel the smoothness of his skin the night we crossed the line we both knew would change everything. There was no hesitation in me. Just a yes already written in my body, waiting to be said out loud…
Why I Choose Desire
I don’t do it because I’m reckless. Not because I don’t know better. I do it because I trust what I want. Some people might call that dangerous. I call it honest.
What scares me far more than desire is the idea of moving through life half-asleep — saying no out of politeness, or fear, or habit. That’s not safety. That’s a kind of slow disappearance.
Because desire doesn’t go away when you refuse to name it. It just waits.
Sometimes it doesn’t wait at all — and neither do I. The moment I feel it, I move. Not recklessly, not to hurt anyone, but with clean, unapologetic honesty.
If there’s a door, I walk through it.
If there’s a mouth I want — and it wants me back — I take it.
That doesn’t happen often. But when it does, I’m all in. That is the decision. Everything else comes later.
The Messy Side of Saying Yes
Of course, not every choice ends cleanly. Sometimes it burns out fast. Sometimes it rearranges everything you thought was fixed.
I’ve said yes and watched it unravel, messy and inconvenient. And I’ve said yes and watched it bloom into something unforgettable.
Stillness can be a gift when it’s chosen. But calling fear “wisdom” is the real mess — stepping back from something alive when every part of you knows you want to step in.
The Body Remembers Every Yes or Desire as a Body Memory
We don’t always get to choose who leaves fingerprints on us. But the decisions I’ve made — the yeses I’ve said — left marks I carry willingly.
I’ve walked out of rooms rumpled and smiling, mascara smudged, the echo of laughter still clinging to me like perfume. I’ve stepped into mornings with a secret glow, knowing that my yes has unlocked something I didn’t even know I was missing.
That’s the thing about decisions made in desire: they’re rarely logical, but they are honest. And honesty has a weight of its own.
Loneliness, Desire, and the Heat That Remains
The funny thing is — there’s nothing remotely sexy happening in my life right now. No body in the next room, no danger hovering in the air. No choices pressing. Stillness everywhere.
And yet my skin remembers.
I’ve caught myself smiling at strangers for no reason other than the flicker of heat it wakes in me. That flicker is a reminder: I’m still alive.
Maybe that’s why it can feel lonely sometimes, even in the middle of wanting. Most people are afraid of that kind of raw honesty. They cover it with excuses, or dismiss it with a laugh, or turn it into judgment.
Finding someone who isn’t afraid to want as openly as I do — that’s rare.
Decisions Aren’t Always Loud
Some of the biggest yeses I’ve ever chosen weren’t in bedrooms. They were in small, ordinary moments.
Yes, I’ll leave this job before it hollows me out.
Yes, I’ll move countries, even if it terrifies me.
Yes, I’ll walk away from a friendship that’s turned into a cage.
Not every decision has the glamour of lust. But they’re connected. Each yes is a declaration: I am choosing this life, not waiting for it to happen to me.
But here’s the truth: it isn’t only the yeses that shape us. The noes leave their marks too.
The Noes That Mattered: Honesty and Heartbreak
Some noes cut just as deep as yeses.
No, I won’t soften myself to make you more comfortable.
I tried that once — told the whole truth to someone I loved.
He judged me, walked away, and left me cracked open.
But the break healed cleaner than a life built on pretense.
What Bobby Womack Taught Me About Love
“…Huh, you know, life is funny when you look at it.
Everybody wants love.
But everybody’s afraid of love…”
That lyric always brings me back to the same truth.
So I keep choosing, over and over. Not blindly, not recklessly. But with heat, clarity, and honesty.
I’d rather live with the ache of a messy yes than the cold comfort of a polite maybe.
And if that leaves me alone sometimes, so be it. At least I’ll never be a ghost in my own life.
Wanting isn’t the danger. Pretending you don’t is.